1. “Be brief and precise – bullet points only!” – anything important you have to say (e.g. the house is on fire) need to be fitted into the ad-space between 2 overs. For anything unimportant (e.g. we have to leave for the airport Now), wait till the IPL/EPL/WC season is over.
2. “Brand Management is the key to success” – Parading in the Team Jersey (even if its electric blue with golden shoulder stripes) should be taken in the right spirit – now you can ignore the “you’re-kidding-right” look when you wear that bright-pink top.
3. “Always use citations and references to add credibility to your thesis” – I have it from reliable sources that watching a play instead of a match increases your life-span. No its not bullshit. Your mom told me!
4. “Customer is God” – Baby the reason HRC is a better option than YumYumTree for dinner tonight is that its YOUR favourite place – NOT because it has 1000 mini screens not to mention a GIANT screen playing The Match! (this one wud actually work if it was HRC@Bombay)
5. “Be a team player” – Yes you can switch channels between overs. Watching a movie in 3-minute-bits makes it kind of like a mystery thriller anyway
6. “Enhanced Communication Skills” – Hmm…ok…both look great…hmm…right after THIS over…’You say it best when you say nothing at all’ gets a whole new meaning. Use it to your advantage!
7. “Strategic Time Management” – You have approx 4 hours to kill everyday (including pre-match coverage, awards, out-of-work movie stars comments etc.) – finish off all those pending “ill call you backs” and earn some good karma
8. “Look for a company which offers Perks” – And if its really really your lucky day you just might catch a post-match-interview with Farhan Akhtar. That will ensure you make it through the next 3 matches at least.
9. “There are no free lunches in the corporate world” – Make sure there ARE in your world! Take full advantage of compensatory lunches, dinners, midnight ice-cream, choice of movie (when the war is over and you start watching movies again instead of matches), foot massages et al (I’m hoping you get all of this in peaceful times also – just double the frequency now!)
10. “Relative Grading” – If he happens to be supporting a winning team you are at least 50% better off than if he was supporting…err…who’s the worst IPL team here?? All you have to endure are whoops and raptures rather than glum faces, perennial depression and new cuss-words.
And you’re in this shindig for the whoops and raptures anyway, it WAS the smile you first fell for and you cant help being happy when you see it again and again… so why complain?