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Something I watched on tv yesterday got me thinking about various relationships I have come across in my life…it struck me that while there are no ‘rules’, some reasons definitely classify as the ‘wrong’ ones to get married.

Before you read what is written below and roll your eyes thinking “but who does that?!”, you will be surprised to find out it is applicable for so many people you know…its just that since they dont stand out like X-men among the rest, usually noone knows it except themselves.

1. You are bored – join cooking/kickboxing, learn a new language, get a hobby, get a life! Getting married to remove your boredom just means subjecting another poor soul to your boring life. Be kind.

2. You’re parents/relatives/neighbours/neighbour’s cat thinks “it is high time” – Unless you are the type of person who studied “Science” instead of “Literature” because “Minku aunty’s son went to MIT”, this is one decision you dont want to make based on other people’s opinion. Minku aunty (and her son) will be far away by the time you realise you would have been much happier reading Shelley than reading vernier calipers! ‘It is never too late’ is a better maxim to go by here than ‘better late than never’.

3. You cant stand your parents/way of life at home – If you think that a 10 o’clock curfew is cramping your style and you just want out, get a job and move away if you have to. Marriage will not solve your ‘problem’, and ironically you will probably end up choosing a life which will eerily begin to resemble all that you tried to run away from.

4. Last Man Standing – All your friends have got married already, noone is free during the weekends and theres just so much TV you can watch. Your friends supposedly envy your footloose and fancy-free life but you think you can see lurking pity in their eyes. They dont want to ditch you but its clearly an uncomfortable situation when twin cottages are being booked during holidays. Grin and bear it! Look up your remaining ‘single’ friends if you are seriously bereft of company. Or discover the joys of “me-time”. Or make sure you get along with your best friend’s spouse and become a third wheel with them. But dont “settle” for something you wouldnt have otherwise, this is not a competition.

5. Finances – Its a bullshit reason to decide to spend your life with someone because of ‘financial security’, ‘double income’ etc. Take the money you would spend on the wedding (and its usually a pretty packet) and buy yourself a return ticket to Las Vegas and try your luck. If gambling away your money sounded stupid, think how much more idiotic it is to gamble your life for something you could achieve in other ways with some effort.

6. Propagation of the species – hmm this ones actually tricky, because if (for whatever narcissist reason) you wanted mini yous running around, the only way to do that legally is get married. The reason its in the “Top 10” is that when this is the prime motive of hitching up, such a situation often boomerangs and the kids themselves can become millstones around your neck in case you want out.

7. Old age security – This is the most laughable of all. There is a lot of ‘young age’ and ‘middle age’ you have to get through before you arrive at your ‘goal’, and there is no guarantee that you arrive there still together! Better invest in a good pension fund for your financial needs, and make some good friends for emotional/mental needs. They don’t come with warranties either (but then neither does a spouse) – but at least another unsuspecting individual will be spared your long-term schemes.

8. You need a visa/citizenship – I don’t think this needs further elucidation, but if you are still wondering (and if so I would really like to know who you are and why I know you!), think of it this way that if you cant get it any other way you probably dont deserve it.

9. You give in to the other person’s insistence/pleading/wooing whatever – If you were reluctant in the first place there are reason(s) for it and your subconscious mind knows it. Dont  concede in a moment of weakness if there are still doubts you have. Basic nature doesnt change and pity doesnt sustain a relationship.

10 (a). Inertia of motion – It doesnt matter if you have been going out/living together/having sex for [insert appropriate number] days/months/years. The ‘automatic next step’ need not be marriage unless you really want it to be.

10 (b) Inertia of rest – dont marry your current “relationship” just because its too much effort to resist and you are too lazy to start all over again.

So the reason (are there multiple?) to get married is equally obvious…and if you know it then good for you ;)